Seventeen Talks, Two Days, One Poem

This poem closed the two-day Maths and Statistics Postgraduate Workshop at UCD, May 2026.

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Gathered in the Lynch Theatre is a mathsy crew, Seventeen talks across two days — here’s my review:

Julius kicked us off by spreading pollution through the sea, He’s still settling the sediment of his disagreements — peacefully.

Moises — or Cocos, as is his WhatsApp name — Separated graphical models; and probability was never the same.

Niamh had neural networks firing in sync, Her brain’s got more emergent dynamics than the rest of us, I think.

Sarah showed us roughness from a melt that’s non-uniform — She’s proof that even ice can’t keep its cool when things get warm.

Oisín and his qubits in a superposed condition — Like Gordon Ramsay’s dog in a quantum perdition. One minute it’s alive, the next it’s in the pot — But until you check the comma, it is both cooked and not.

Boris connected grids to keep the lights from going dark — When renewables run dry, he’s the one who hits the mark.

Daire went loco for locomotion, optimising every wave, Using nasty maths to make oscillations behave.

Aimen found the hardest problems, then let the machines decide — Saving mathematicians centuries of work, and all their pride.

Jack gave biology a differential peek inside, The equation within us all — he shitposted it with pride.

Cian took us to the Fermionic Fock Space — what the Fock? A place so weird that we were left in shock.

Then Friday rolled around and Kseniia mapped the thoroughbred, 97% from Northern Dancer — that stallion got around, she said.

Keerthi proved that Gaussian models simply aren’t enough — INGARCH counts the COVID deaths when data gets too tough.

Anton counted Catalan numbers, ordered intervals with grace, With Dyck paths he mapped the combinatorial space.

Sara warned us all of the damage UV can do — The only Masters student here, and she’s schooling us all too.

Changhong moved the planes on Yukawa’s integral equation — From 1D to 3D, radial symmetry across every dimension.

Lucien found the eigenvalues in multilinear form — Hamming and rank metric codes, he really raised the norm.

Aditi taught a neural network to predict the Irish rain — Which means it’s right 100% of the time: i.e. it’s wet again.

So here’s to seventeen talks, two days, and one thing we’ve all found: The best maths happens when we’re all on common ground.